


Complete (completely miserable)

by ssa_archivist



Category: Smallville
Genre: Angst, First Time, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-11-30
Updated: 2005-11-30
Packaged: 2017-11-01 11:54:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/356456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ssa_archivist/pseuds/ssa_archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The line between love and obsession is only circumstance. [09/12/02]</p>
            </blockquote>





	Complete (completely miserable)

## Complete (completely miserable)

by silvina

[]()

* * *

Standard Disclaimer. Not mine, but I could do real interesting things to them if you'd reconsider. Please send comments, questions, compliments, and otters to sdelcul@yahoo.com. 

Barely there, almost invisible reference to Zero. Blink and you'll miss it. Inspired by Keelywolfe's "The Day it Rained Forever," except that Clark is equally obsessed with Lex. 

* * *

"Happy birthday to me! Happy birthday to me! Happy birthday dear me-e! Happy birthday to me!" Clark was going to have to beat the grin of his face before his father said goodnight or he would never go to bed. He knew his parents had a special dinner planned for the next night, and Pete and Chloe had his 'surprise' party set for Friday. Lex wouldn't be invited to either event, and Clark knew it was hopeless to invite Lex himself. It wasn't fair to Lex to invite him to a party were he'd be the outsider, even if Clark didn't feel that way. Besides, he had a special party planned for Lex. Alone. The thought of his parents or his friends being included in that event managed to take the grin of his face. 

Sixteen according to his adoption papers meant he was an adult, at least as far as consenting to sex was concerned. His dad would still blame Lex if he found out, but the law wouldn't and his dad would get over it. In approximately one hour and thirty-six --no, thirty-five -- minutes, not that he was counting or anything, he'd be kissing Lex. The best part was the part where Lex would be kissing him back. 

* * *

Midnight finally crawled into existence and at 12:02 A.M. he was letting himself into the mansion. Lex was just getting into bed, as Clark knew he would be. 

"Hi Lex!" 

"Clark? Isn't it a little late for a visit? Never mind - what brings you by at-" he checked his watch. "Ah, happy birthday, Clark." 

The grin was back, but he didn't have to hold back this time. He stepped closer to Lex, close enough to feel the heat from his body and smell the fresh scent of his soap. "Thanks. I brought you a present, Lex" 

"I may not be as well versed in the social intricacies of birthdays in Smallville as you are, but isn't it customary for the birthday boy to receive presents, rather than give them? I was under the impression that this was a rare opportunity to give you something that you'd actually be forced to accept." Lex sat down on the bed, drawing one knee under himself. "I was looking forward to watching your father squirm as you unwrapped your gift." He pointed to one table beside the wall, which held a large gift-wrapped box. 

Clark laughed easily and nearly bounced into a seat on the bed. "Trust me, Lex, we'll both like my present to you." 

He could see Lex fighting a grin, and was pleased to see the grin winning as Lex's face lit up in real pleasure. "All right then, where is it?" 

"Close your eyes." 

"Clark-" 

"Close your eyes, Lex." He turned on the puppy-dog eyes, knowing Lex would see right through him but obey anyway. 

As expected, Lex's eyes closed. "Is this going to involve-" 

Any further words were swept away by the kiss Clark gave him. Slow and wet it was nothing like anything he'd ever done before. He could taste Lex and he wanted more. He pushed himself against Lex, the rhythm unknown but instinctual. 

Lex pulled away, and he allowed it only because it gave him the opportunity to continue exploring. Gradually though, he realized that Lex's hands weren't moving over his body the way his own were moving over Lex, they were pushing him away instead. 

Forcing himself to a stop he looked Lex in the face, and saw - fear. 

He needed to leave. 

"Clark! Wait." 

Only the panic in Lex's voice held him. He had to grab the doorframe to stay put, though, and it crumbled under his grip, leaving his fingerprints in the wall. 

Lex stepped closer to him and he pulled back. "Don't," he warned, and Lex halted. 

"Just wait a second, okay? We need to talk about this. Okay?" 

He was shaking his head before the words reached him. Without moving closer Lex put up a hand, although whether it was to keep Clark in place or hold himself up, Clark didn't know. 

"Please?" 

He'd only heard this kind of pleading from Lex once before. It struck him as ironic that this time Lex was asking him not to leave it alone. It was weird he thought, that in the midst of turmoil his brain was contemplating if it truly was ironic. He watched Lex catch his breath. 

"Clark-" 

"God, Lex, I'm so sorry. Too fast, I know. Please-" 

"Shut up. Just shut up for a second and listen to me, okay?" 

Still frozen in place he nodded. 

"Sit down over here." 

Clark forced himself to step away from the wall. For a moment he wasn't sure if he'd be able to stand, but finally he made it to the bed and sat down where Lex had directed. 

"You didn't do anything wrong. I wanted it, but Clark, I can't do this. You're too-" 

"I'm sixteen, Lex. That's old enough." 

"That's not what I was going to say. You're too trusting. I'm-" 

Only half listening to Lex's explanation he finally noticed what was out of place. Lex was rubbing his head. That meant he was nervous or - "You're scared! This is all about you being scared, isn't it? What are you scared of? You're not scared of me, are you? There's nothing wrong with liking guys, Lex." Feeling that he'd discovered the root of Lex's reaction, he breathed a sigh of relief. "It's okay, Lex. It just means that you like guys. Or guys _and_ girls." 

"It's not about that!" Lex stood up suddenly, almost tipping Clark over from the sudden imbalance on the mattress. 

"Lex. Calm down, man. Just tell me what's going on, okay? Just tell me the truth." 

When Lex turned to him the look in his eyes was heartbreakingly painful. "The truth? I'm a Luthor; I wouldn't know the truth if it came up and bit me on the ass, right?" 

"I'm not my father, Lex. And neither are you." 

Lex sighed deeply. "Yes, I am, Clark. Don't you get it? I'm my father's son. Born and raised to be president of the United States. And I want it. I want the title and the power. I want what I don't have and even more I want what I can't have." 

"So? When I was six I wanted to fly. I had already climbed up onto the roof and jumped once when my mother caught me. I must have scared her to death because she didn't even spank me. She just kept asking if I was all right. When she asked me why I wanted to fly, I told her it was to be closer to the stars. It felt like they expected me to fly. The birds could, but I couldn't. My mom talked my dad into getting me the telescope to satisfy my curiosity." 

Lex's laugh sounded bitter and jagged. "That's perfectly normal, Clark. I've never been normal." 

"You had to have been curious about something as a child." He looked at Lex, but Lex looked away. 

"You want to know the only thing I've been curious about since my mother died? I mean a real, deep down, need to know?" Lex murmured quietly. 

He nodded. 

"You. The accident. But mostly you. I know you're different. Special. Like Earl and Jeff, but different." 

He paled as Lex continued. 

"I want to study you. I want to get inside your head and figure out exactly what makes you tick. You intrigue me Clark, and you're only going to get hurt." 

"You couldn't hurt me, Lex." He didn't even try to hide his certainty. 

"I would eventually. I'd discover all your secrets and then I'd use them to tie you to me. I'd use them to keep you even after you didn't want me anymore." 

"Why," he asked breathlessly, sure now that he was getting somewhere. Lex was trying to be brutally honest, but really it was mercy. "Why would you want someone who didn't want you?" 

Lex started pacing. "Because nobody actually wants me. They want my money, or my influence, but never just me. Except you. You're not like anybody I've ever met, Clark. You're all these things that I didn't believe in anymore. I can barely manage to keep you as a friend. I can't risk losing that friendship because of a little curiosity about what it might be like to kiss you." His pacing sped up. 

It was Clark's turn to laugh harshly, the sound grating at his throat. "Friendship? Friendship isn't ignoring your other friends to spend time with someone you have almost nothing in common with. Friendship isn't spending most of my free time figuring you out. There's only one reason I know what your favorite food is. Your favorite color. Boxers or briefs. There's only one reason I know that you like to watch B-rated sci-fi or won't eat an orange unless it's been peeled for you. It sure as hell isn't friendship that wants to know where your ticklish spots are or how you got that scar on your lip or what it tastes like." He laughed again. "Chloe thinks I'm obsessed with you. And she doesn't even know the half of it!" Suddenly serious he tried another track. He'd always seen through what Lex didn't say. "God, Lex, if you only knew how I think of you. You're -you're just amazing all right? You're sexy and you know something about everything. Watching you - you're just amazing. It doesn't sound like curiosity to me, Lex. It sounds like love." 

Obviously he had surprised Lex because he stopped pacing suddenly. 

"Lex?" There was no response until he stood up and turned Lex to face him. 

"Say that again." 

"I'm not going to leave you, ever. At least not without coming back. I love you, Lex." 

Four minutes and an eternity passed before he replied. "I didn't know." Lex sounded young. 

Clark sat him down gently. "Didn't know what, Lex?" 

"Love. It's been so long." 

He'd have to prove to Lex that it would be okay. They were meant to be together. Maybe after a couple of years Lex would allow himself to believe it. In the meantime it was enough that Clark believed it and was willing to wait for Lex to catch up. 


End file.
